i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
