In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
