woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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