I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
