I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
