Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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