if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
