I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
