operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
