The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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