last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
