the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
