That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
