Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
