there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am available for nakedness
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
