Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize