Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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