Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
