She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
