Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
