I wish my penis had an off switch
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
