i don't like sucking hair
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
