All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
