Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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