well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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