dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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