It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
