I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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