Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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