So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
are you so shy because you have an std?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
