I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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