now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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