She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
