my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
