Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Randomize
