You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
