please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
