:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize