john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
