hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
