I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then my night got REAL pukey
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize