I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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