SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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