I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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