I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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