Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
