Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
