She said her name was "party"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
