I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
