Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
